Opinion: Embrace the Obese Matriarchy


Listen up, fuckstick.

The World is now an extremely dangerous, unsafe place for women.

There are rapists everywhere. Every man is a potential rapist. The United States is a full-fledged #RapeCulture.

We must do everything we can to make all women feel safe, comfy and secure at all times.

That’s why, effective immediately, I will be slicing off my ballsack. Each testicle is a symbol of patriarchy, a source of testosterone production, and thus the potential to drive me into a rayp-frenzy whenever I see a hot girl wearing a skimpy outfit.

If you consider yourself a #MaleFeminist then I highly urge you to physically castrate yourself.

It’s simply not enough that we have already been chemically castrated and culturally brainwashed.

We must now join in #Solidarity by investing all of our time, energy, strength and money into supporting strong, independent women who are equal to men—except for the fact that they need constant protection and encouragement.

Women are equal to men but they can never be exposed to harm. You must never punch a women in the face. You can never hit a girl. Any harm towards women, especially #curvywomen, whether it be emotional, or physical or satirical, must be treated as a Felony offense.

We must march and resist the Patriarchy, the Trump family and their racist, White Supremacist, male chauvinist patriarch, Donald.

We must fight and march and make the most fucking annoying protest signs and chants. We must torch cars of all shapes and sizes. We must use violent civil disobedience to protect #WomensEquality and #WomensRights. We must overthrow the male-dominated government and turn it ALL FEMALE. There is not enough female leaders in government and business. All CEOs, politicians, military generals and scientists MUST be women. Even better if they are Women of Color or Plus-Size.

So let’s take the crucial first step, my gender-fluid otherkin. Slice your nuts off now, donate all your money to women, and if you are brave enough: just kill yourself. There’s too many men in this world and we must step aside. It is HER TURN to rule, to run the show, to lead. It is Her Turn to make history.


Why Don’t You Own a Website


When I google your faggotass wannabe-European-sounding name, nothing comes up.

It’s because you don’t have your own website.

You don’t have your own Digital Fortress, a playground in which to expound your thoughts and viewpoints freely. With total control, in the spirit of the First Amendment.

How pathetic.

How utterly sad and destitute and impoverished you must be.

You do realize a domain name costs less than $10 these days.

Back in the early 2000’s a domain name would cost you hundreds. Now they go for a few bucks.

What the fuck are you doing dicking around on my shitty website, when you could be building your own.

What excuse do you have. None. The only excuse is that your brain is too saturated in BPA to function like a red-blooded American man. The only excuse is that your entire endocrine system has been polluted by various artificial chemicals and GMO soy.

Aside from those reasons, you have absolutely no excuse to continue your existence without a website.

You need a website, or at least a fucking twatter, or a kikebook page, or SOMETHING, that tells the world: “hey, I am here, I exist, and you are welcome to suck my dick”

You have nothing and therefore you are a NOBODY. How do you expect to enjoy coitus with a supermodel if you’re not willing to take the crucial first step to becoming a somebody.

Buy a goddamn domain name. Get some free or premium web hosting. Learn how to make a basic website and throw it up. Write your thoughts down and share your personality with the world. In case you die at least you will leave some words behind. A sentence. A paragraph that states what you believe. Even if no one reads it at least you did it. At least you made something and put yourself out there.

Stop being a pansy and get to work. Stop wasting time watching Netflix. Make your dream come true now. Do it, do it NOW. Start your gay little Startup already. Stop talking about it. No one wants to hear any more details about your dick-pic app. We’re tired of hearing you TALK about your stupid idea or whatever-the-fuck online business you want to build. Just nut up and do it. You twat. You nancyboy. If I ever run into you at a boba shop in the 626 I’ll snap your neck like a crispy churro.

This poast was not sponsored by Bluehost.

Al Swearengen Pep Talk

You gotta hand it to the Jews.

They make some good o’ television for the eyeball watchin’.

The above video is a scene from Deadwood, in which Al Swearengen gives a very important pep talk.

Enjoy this timeless clip, courtesy of HBO Original Programming.

How to Fornicate with Supermodels

You must figure out a way to make money.

Not just a modest amount, but a FUCKTON.

You need to become a multi-millionaire.

No, you need to be a multi-millionaire star athlete. The founder of a widely popular app like Snapchat. Supermodels only want the Top A class of men: App designers, Athletes, A-List movie and music rockstars.

Only after you’re a famous multi-billionaire star athlete or startup founder, only then will you be allowed the chance to shoot your genetic material into the ovulating loins of an ultra-sexy supermodel.

Beautiful girls only date men who are ultra-wealthy or powerful or musical or who can dunk whilst employed by a professional sports team. You must be an MMA fighter who wins. You must have championship rings.

The hottest girls on this little blue planet have the highest standards. They want to date Olympic athletes, musicians, actors, quarterbacks, and men who teabag each other on an NBA basketball court. They want to date internet billionaires and venture capitalists.

You must be a rock star. You must be an A-List comedian with a Comedy Central special. You must get invited to Red Carpet events. You must be somebody, because if you’re not, you’re a nobody.

And if you’re a nobody you will get 0 premium pussy.

With your current level of income you will have to struggle and scavenge for normal, average pussy.

But deep down you will always feel dissatisfied.

Because you will want to experience Premium Pussy.

Premium Pussy is Premium.

That which is “premium” comes at a staggeringly higher cost.

Premium pussy will not “love you” for you, but rather, they will only want you for your status, your wealth, your ownership of exotic cars and trendy businesses, your ability to buy them a large mansion with separate rooms each to store their designer purses and shoes. They will choose you for your money, your possession of excessive fiat currency, your high social standing, and perhaps if you’re lucky they will enjoy you for your physical body.

But even after you get top-tier supermodel pussy, you will want more and more and more. Just look at what happened to Tiger Woods for example. Just look at what happened to Kobe that one time in Colorado. It’s a never-ending rabbit hole of chasing better and more variety. This is the hell that all men are trapped in. This is the real life version of Sisyphus.

Opinion: MUJI Design is Bigotry

The idiots over at MUJI have once again managed to fuck up an entire living space.

See the above video and notice how disgustingly tasteless everything looks.

Bland, frigid color combinations that lack SOUL and POP and DIVERSITY.

Where’s the PURPLE. Where’s the attitude and the in-your-face Feminist posters with the strong womyn flexing her bicep. Where’s the flashy abstract contemporary art by leading Transsexual painters?? Where’s the African tribal art? Where’s the fucking RAINBOW?!

MUJI design is mundane, excessively humble and faux-simple.

MUJI is what happens when Nazi-loving Japanese designers hamfist the minimal look of Apple products into the bare-bones of IKEA home decor. They obsess over “emptiness” so much that their designs lack character.

It’s almost like they want a living space to be a quiet, relaxing fortress for personal contemplation. How boring and racist and very intolerant of them.

That’s not what a home is supposed to be! Your home should signal your status as a high net-worth innovator. Your home should scream your individuality, your fringe sexual identity, your love of weird and random “hipster” trends. Your residence should say “LOL look at me I’m so unique and random and amaze-balls”. Those shithead racists over at MUJI do none of that! Those fuckwits over at MUJI want your home to be sleek, tranquil, and zen-like. How disgusting.

Also note that all their videos feature only thin Japanese people. This is unacceptable, a clear sign that they are anti-Diversity and not supportive of plus-size models. MUJI is clearly a racist bigot company!! I bet Melania Trump shops there. How much more evidence do you need.

Write your Senator. Start making obnoxious protest signs, and get ready to chain yourselves to the entrance of MUJI stores in NY and LA. We need to shut these bigots down.

Cold Fascist Interior Design by MUJI

Those crazy Japanese racists over at MUJI decided to con a young couple into remodeling their home interior.

The “Before” space looked warm and cozy, even though it was a bit cluttered.

“After” the MUJI Fascists finish their remodel, the place has an overly sleek, modern look that is as appealing as an IKEA showroom.

If you’ve got 3 minutes and 31 seconds to spare, take a gander at the above video to see for yourself.

Emperor Hirohito would be proud of MUJI for upholding the bare and austere Japanese aesthetic.

Opinion: Hillary Would Have Nuked Russia By Now

No, no, no, NO!!!

Gosh darn you Trump. What’s all this talk about improving Russian-American relations.

We should be baiting Russia into thermonuclear war!

Her Majesty Madam Hillary Clinton would have started World War 3 by now. She is anti-Russia. She understands that Putin is the biggest threat to U.S. hegemony in the Middle East. She is a strong independent experienced womyn who don’t need no man. Except for, you know, that Black “doctor” who is constantly by her side in case she faints.

Donald J. Trump is such a fraud, with his whole “Make America Great Again” schtick. Only a racist bigot misogynistical idiot would want to improve his own country.

Clearly “I’m With Her” is a much higher priority but these White Supremacist Putin-Lovers had to HACK and STEAL the election away from our Madam President Clinton.

There will be consequences. Mark my words. We’re going to hold snarky signs and block traffic for the next four years. We’re going to set cars on fire and chimp out like little children. We’re going to be total assholes, because minorities can never be wrong. Only the White Man is evil and bad. Just look at Trump and Putin. They’re, like, getting along and cooperating. What the fuck.

If only Hillary had won she would be sending Predator drones armed with uranium warheads into Syria and Ukraine right now. WWIII would have been badass.

Instead, we got Trump, who is such a pansy, with all his talk of peace and rebuilding our nation and bringing back domestic jobs. What a Nazi. What a Kremlin Puppet. I hope he chokes on a dry KFC biscuit.


Bad News, Fucko.

You’re going to die. Don’t get mad at me for saying that. I’m just the Messenger.

God talks to me and I pass the Word on.

OK, maybe not “God” but something out there. Nature. The Universe. Satan. The Jews.

Maybe this Big Power is talking to many other people but only a few listen.

Only a few listen to the wind and see beauty in moss the way I do.

Only a few are alive right now who take time out of their “busy schedule” to enjoy the present moment and really bask in the sun doing something mundane like petting a patch of moss.

This is what I currently enjoy doing.

I don’t know what you specifically want to do with your life. What you enjoy.

To be honest I don’t care anymore.

What I do urge is the realization that your time is finite. Your time is limited. Don’t waste it.

Yeah yea, that sounds a lot like what Steve Jobs said in his famous Stanford graduation speech. But it’s true and it’s timeless for a reason. Love him or hate him, Steve was eloquent but in a simple way. He had a clean, direct way of talking, of thinking, of acting, and most importantly, of focusing on what matters to him. That’s how he got so much done: by eliminating all unnecessary distractions.

So the point is: SHUT the fuck up and focus. STOP flailing around listening to the advice of family and friends, who don’t know you as well as you know yourself.

Only you can decide and determine what matters to you.

Only I can decide and determine what matters to me.

The more you let other idiots control you, the less you feel connected to this thing we call Life.

The more you control yourself and determine what you do, the more connected you feel to your Life and thus Reality at large.

It truly is that simple, but it took me twenty godforsaken years to figure it out.

I’m now passing this message on to you as a friendly reminder.

Happy trails, buttmunch.

Opinion: MUJI is Raaaycist

Wow, just wow, MUJI: would it kill you to include some People of Color (PoC) in your advertisements. We get that you’re a Japanese company and most of your stores are in Japan. But you also have GLOBAL stores with DIVERSE customers.

Not everyone in Los Angeles and London are Japanese. Your advertorials are very HOMOGENOUS. That’s a big no-no. It’s the Current Year, after all. Get with the times. Be more like Apple, Gap and Google. Put a fuckton of African-American™ people in your ads. Hire some Mexican models. Showcase your products next to an Islamic Paki. Include a gender-fluid Trans person. Do it you Japfaggots or I’m boycotting your stores.

I’m a highly sensitive, race-conscious Blacks Lives Matters hacktivist. I’ll rayp your little Pale-Japanese Supremacist website with my hacking powers. I’ll…I’ll tweet mean things about you and get a #hashtag trending.

WOW, I just can’t even. Look at that ad for example. All thin Japanese ladies. So racist. Where is your #BodyPositive inclusion of #curvy plus-size women. Where is your token tranny Black person. How dare you show implicit Nationalistic pride. How dare you hire and prioritize your own people. That’s Privilege. You’re perpetuating Japanese Privilege, you bigots.

Your ad implies that only affluent Asians can afford your sweater. Your ad implies that you only want Asians to wear MUJI clothing. Your ad implies…your ad is rayciss and we’re going to hold a sit-in at your store to show you our #BrownPride you little Jap bastards!!

I remember Nanjing. I know what you sushi-eating savages are capable of. Today it’s just wool sweaters, yeah, but soon you’re going to fly your red dot flags all over the place and start slicing and dicing up us non-Japanese people with your samurai swords.

I will be in contact with my Rabbi, our SPLC and ADL associates. We are on to you, bucko. We are aware that the Japanese Prime Minister is friendly towards Donald J. Trump. Therefore, we are aware that you are all Fascist Nazi-lovers!


This poast was not sponsored by MUJI.

Opinion: Smoking Won’t Kill You


But it will make you look fucking cool.

Notice how cool fictional characters on TV and in Hollyjewd Movies look when they have a smoldering cigarette dangling from their insouciant lips.

Smoking signals that you are a rebel, that you are fearless, that you disregard authority figures such as the Surgeon General. Fuck the Surgeon General. That meek lungcuck!

Young girls love it when they see you smoking. They are curious about you. They get wet because they feel you are a mysterious and dangerous badboy. Someone older. A potential father figure. What they don’t actually know is that every cell in your body is swimming in Bisphenol A. What they don’t know is that you still call your mom on a regular basis to let her know you’re OK.

That’s why I smoke, bub: to conceal the fact that I’m a mincing sissy. I want to look strong like Wolverine. I want to look smooth like James Bond. I want to mimic Don Draper. I want to look manly and robust and immune to “carcinogenic” smoke. Only weaklings get Lung, Throat and Oral Cancer. I am invincible.



This poast was not sponsored by Natural American Spirit Organic Cigarettes.

Confession: I Got a Fashy Haircut

The Neo-Nazi White Supremacist known as Donald J. Trump is about to take office as our #POTUS.

Therefore, since #ImStillWithHer, I must lay low until I can gather enough $hekels to move to Canada.

That’s why I got a “fashy haircut”. It helps me look like a Hitler Youth member so Trump won’t deport me immediately. I walked into the Whitest “All-American” barber shop I could find, showed them a picture of a Waffen SS cadet, and the old man nodded with quiet contempt since he probably roasted “pissant gooks” like me in ‘Nam.

Anyway, you see, Trump is a crazy fucking White Supremacist RACIST and he will deport anyone who does not look like a Full-Blooded Aryan. Unfortunately for me, I am the son of not just one but TWO Vietnamese refugees.

Soon I will have to bleach my skin, dye my hair blonde and wear blue eye contacts to avoid detection under his TrumpenReich. The fascist haircut was just a first step, to get started on this “new look”. Tomorrow comes the skin and hair bleaching, because I am too brown to be a citizen under Trump’s new Anti-Immigrant administration. He is Pure Evil!

Trump and his Putin-KGB Kremlin Stormtroopers are going to oppress and terrorize all Mexicans, African-Americans®, Peaceful Muslims and Asians. It’s going to be exactly like Rogue One, the trendy new Star Wars movie, and we’re all going to get Shoahed by this misogynistical pussy-grabbing sexmonster.

I still can’t believe Trump is going to be President of the prestigious Jewnited States. I’m shocked and appalled. Every day I wake up I have to take multiple Xanax pills to calm the immense fear and panic attacks I get when I envision Trump’s first 100 Days in Office. It’s going to be The Second Holocaust.

His racist Alt-Right Pepe Frog facist bodybuilders will curb stomp anyone with high melanin. I’m literally shaking right now. I cry a lot every time I think about how sad it was for Madam Secretary Hillary Clinton to have the election STOLEN and HACKED away from her like that. If there’s anyone who understands Washington D.C. corruption, it’s HRC.

We were so close to #MakingHistory with the first #MadamPresident but now we’re stuck with this orange spray-tanned Fascist Evil Nazi Nationalist White Man!!! He’s going to FUCK everything up because Trump has absolutely no experience with randomly bombing Muslim countries and then inviting in “refugees”. Like, oh my god. What has become of our once Tolerant Nation of Immigrants?!

The USA is doomed. America was never Great and Adolf Drumpf won’t Make it Great Again. He’ll just…he’ll just make America Hate Again! I heard this from Jon Stewart, and instead of thinking for myself, I just listen to Jon because he is rich and famous and had a popular fake-news TV show on a late night comedy channel. This is much easier than analyzing facts and using critical thinking! Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert are never wrong. But they are always funny when they make silly faces at video clips.

Anyway, luckily for me I come from a privileged middle class Asian-American® family, so we are near-financially prepared to move to Toronto to start a new life under the Socialist Utopia of Justin Trudeau—a man of infinite Love and Light and Openness!

Thank you Justin Trudeau for being The Friendly Good White Man, unlike Donald Trump, who is a Very Very Bad and Evil White Man like his buddy Putin.


BPA Exposure Has Turned Me into a Weak Faggot


It’s time to face the facts: I am a weak, emotional faggot.

This is due to the fact that I have been exposed to Bisphenol A (BPA) for nearly three decades now.

My entire body and brain is soaked in BPA. Pickled in xenoestrogens. I have more BPA in my system than blood. I’m a weak little pussy-bitch down to the cellular level. Down to the molecules. No, down to the little strings of DNA that define who I am, how I look and how I behave. I look like Johnny Depp if he had his testicles removed during childhood. You can’t fight genetics and environment the way you can’t defy gravity without expending tons of energy.

I wake up disheveled in the morning feeling like a girly suicidal piece of shit. I want to kill myself but I’m afraid of the pain and familial sadness that would result.

The obvious solution is to stop ingesting food and water tainted with BPA. But I can’t. We live in the Plastic Age. The Age of Abundant Pollution.

BPA is everywhere and in all things. BPA is like the new God in this Satanic corporatized suburban hellscape we all live in, yet we pretend everything is OK. We force ourselves to smile, adopt a high-positivity mindset, and think things will get better. They won’t. You and I will continue to breath and drink all sorts of toxic pollutants and pesticides that have a subtle but profound affect on our physiology.

BPA is just one out of many. It makes men look and behave more feminine, and it makes women more masculine. This is why today’s men are beta cowards with bitchtits, and women are broad-shouldered aggressive cunts who want to take charge and control everything. It’s science. Look it up. I’ve spent several hundreds of hours reading about this phenomenon. It’s really happening. BPA exposure: Google that shit!

The only possible solution I’ve found is eating kimchi. Apparently the probiotics in fucking kimchi counteract BPA and other endocrine disruptors. But eating kimchi gets tiresome after a while. I’m not Korean, so after a few days I get bored and disgusted of Kimchi. It is too squishy and only tastes good with Korean BBQ.

Plus, it takes willpower to go buy or make kimchi, and the whole problem is that BPA completely erodes my “masculine willpower” so I don’t feel any desire to go do something simple like acquire pickled napa cabbage. (Note: the kimchi sold in stores is tasteless garbage and you’re better off making your own)

In other words, the poison disables me to the point where I am too lazy and weak to go make the antidote. Also, I have my doubts about the efficacy of kimchi, since you can look at any kpop band and see for yourself that Korean men are just as pussified as the rest.

In other words, I am doomed. It’s over. The whimsocal “bro” you knew and whose company you enjoyed: he is gone. I am done for. I’ve eaten way too much BPA and soy-based Asiatic foods. I crossed the critical mass threshold of BPA bioaccumulation. The toxin has taken over. As days go by, I will become more and more feminine, petty, weak, and faggotized until I go insane and finally conjure the last bit of courage to jam a tactical knife into my throat, forever ending this daily chore called sentient existence.

Anyway, that’s what I’m going through right now. How are you these days. How’s your cubicle office job. How’s the wife and kids. Oh, that’s right, you’re too much of a BPA-polluted BITCH to actually establish a family and carry on your bloodline. We’re in the same boat, Brosphenol. Let’s go get some Korean BBQ before I cry and hang myself.


This poast was not sponsored by Taegukgi Korean BBQ House.

Bulletproof Positivity Lifehacker Mindset


Be more positive. You need to turn that frown upside-down. Stop being so negative. No one likes a Negative Nancy. Stop obsessing about the past. Stop thinking about your mistakes, stop stewing in regret. Learn to move forward. Move forward into the infinite possibilities of The Future ahead of you. You have a bright future. In fact, your Future is so bright it is blinding like the Sun. You are Smart. You are Capable. You are Attractive. You are Innovative. Start your own Business. Start your own Start-up.

Invent a new app. Think of a new product that solves a common, everyday problem. Come up with the next new Revolutionary Idea. Become the next Mark Zuckerberg. The next Steve Jobs. You can do it. If they did it, so can you. Yes, there’s already a Snapchat, a Tinder, an Instragram, but surely you can come up with something Insanely Great too if you just put your mind to it. There’s nothing stopping you except for you. Get out of your own way. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Bootstrap your first Startup. Network with Angel Investors. Get into the Millionaire Mindset. No, that’s not enough. You must get into the Billionaire Mindset.

It’s not about your skills, what’s important is your Mindset. Change your Mindset and change your Life. It’s a New Year so it’s time for a New You. Reinvent yourself. Challenge yourself. Push your boundaries. Look at Madonna, she’s over 70 years old but she keeps on going. She’s still fresh, she’s still sexy and she’s still on top of the world. Still relevant and popular and vivacious. Why can’t you be more like Madonna. If she can do it, so can you. Look at Mark Zuckerberg. He is dominating. Why can’t you be a winner like Mark. I will show you how.


(Madonna and Mark both dance like there’s no tomorrow.)


Start small, but Dream Big. Change your daily habits and slowly but surely you will change your Life. Then you will conquer the World. You will “make a dent in the Universe”.

Here, I’ll help you out by revealing my Positivity Life Hack Creative Ritual:

In the morning, I sip fresh, organic single-origin Bulletproof Coffee™ from my favorite mug, which is tastefully covered in inspirational quotes: “Live, Laugh, Love” “You Can Do It!”, “Dream Big”, “Don’t Quit”, “Big is Beautiful”. For lunch I take a Modafinil suppository. It really does help me stay laser-focused on the programming, apps, AI social ecommerce Internet Billion goldmine. For dinner I have a Leafy Green smoothie and Soylent™ dessert shake because I am a cruelty-free Raw Vegan. To wind down at night, I do candlelight Ashtanga Yoga and then enjoy a steaming cup of Pu-erh tea as recommended by Startup Guru Tim Ferriss. When it hits my heart and spreads to my brain the Pu-erh gives me a calming, zen-like Motivational Boost that keeps me going to about 11:45 PM. That’s when I change into my organic bamboo-fiber pajamas, because it’s important to get a good night’s rest.



Yep, you heard it straight from me, buckeroo. I stay clean, I stay focused, and most importantly, I keep my face smiling constantly. It’s important to Build Strong Habits such as Smiling. You want to exercise your Smile muscles and neglect your Frowning muscles. Did you know that your brain releases endorphins when you Smile? Yeah, it’s Neuroscience. Try it for yourself. Smile right now. You will feel better. Let that better-feel cascade throughout your mind and become a Mindset. All you have to do is Smile, change your Mindset, adopt a Bulletproof Positivity Lifehacker Creativity Ritual, and you will easily become a Financially Free, Location-Independent Internet Trillionaire. What are you waiting for. Just do it. Carpe Diem!!

This poast was not sponsored by Bluehost.


Don’t take anything you read on this dumb insignificant website seriously.

I am a nobody. I am retarded. I am a retarded nobody.

I write whilst blitzed out of my mind on all sorts of herbal “nootropics” bought online from shady sources.

And I’m always drunk. Why would you waste your time reading the scrawling of a degenerate alcoholic gambling addict. You have better things to do. Go outside and feel the sun on your skin.

Go build your business. Go work on your startup. Go maximize your income. Go build passive income streams. Go fuck yourself. I really could care less if no one reads this nonsense, because like I’ve indicated: it’s total garbage and soon the web hosting will expire.

This is where I go to entertain myself. I am my own best friend. No one makes me laugh harder than myself. I only share some paragraphs here in case there’s one or two other lost souls out there who can get a laugh from having a similar sense of humor.

I write only the Truth, and I’m willing to get oiled up and wrestle any fuckwit who disagrees.

With that said, I leave you with these reminders: Black Lives Matter. I’m With Her. Change the World. You Can Do it. Believe in Yourself. Think Global, Shop Local. Make it Happen. Sky’s the Limit. Stay Positive. Carpe Diem.